dating.....mating......bloody hell

wasn't about to talk about this in lunar new year. actually was about to talk about things grand..........kinda have some topics ready

not in the mood for something serious though........not even in the working mode.....ho

yep....D.A.T.I.N.G.

B.I.G_T.H.I.N.G (urgh)

on the second day of lunar new year, i got a call from my relatives abroad.

well.....and i happened to pick it up. after a few lunar-new-year-greeting-sort-of-thing, she asked, in an examining tone:

"Why aren't out for a date? It's lunar new year."

And i heard myself answer before i can hold back:

"Well...no...no...no...well.......not today."

By the time i heard that TODAY-word, i heard my heart saying:

"yea.....not today, not yesterday, not last week, not last month..............not last year..................bloody...........it's not your business."

SEE?

it gets me everytime when i have to answer questions like this. i am so unattractive and uninteresting in this area. Sorry. Guess some of my friends will soon set me up for dates, get some weird guys for a dinner or something.(they have actually said so......intimidating)Everyone is so keen to sell me out. Yea.....you didn't hear me wrong: SELL_ME_OUT.

i happened to mistakenly called someone that i didn't intend to and left a rather rude voicemail in his voicemail box. Anyway, i was about to call the girl instead of the guy who shares the same name. That guy is my sis'bf 's fd too, makes things even worse. My sis managed to put up an entirely different story, like what paparazi does, told my dad that:

"Your daughter just asked a guy out for valentine's."(obviously i had completely forgotten about valentine's until earlier i was trying to schedule a dinner with my old friends for next monday and one of my friends had to tell me it is valentine's day. And i answered: sorry, i'm single. You know.)

I saw that glittering smile on my dad's face as if it was the best thing he has ever heard and said:

"What a good thing to hear! Finally got you out of the house and found someone."

SEE?

Dunno where everyone got that stupid idea of 異國情(exotic love? urgh). sorry couldn't think of any appropriate english term. Everyone was dying to know if i have any kickass romance with any creature from abroad. Well...yea.......i should have shagged some americans, or any creature i've found(or that old Scottish........fuck......i would rather die, seriously), so then i would have something to talk about: "Their cocks are really bigger than chinese's." How would i know anyway. And how would they know? Bloody.

Not that i'm not into guys or boys(as far as i know i'm still quite straight), or i have commitment phobia, relationship allergy.....those sort of crap, but that i haven't met anyone that i really really like recently, well, you can say for two years. It's not anyone's fault and i couldn't help it.

Several days ago i just sort of refreshed the memories of my freshmen year. I was so out of market! Never ever that out of market and looked so ready before! Yea, and i paid for that. Such blows. I got so much to ponder on that i am still not entirely get over from those chaos. More disasters-catastrophe like. I finally realised there are things i cannot turn my blind eyes on. I can handle my things pretty well but can never play a game of two well.

Somehow i hope i can have a new start by getting the old things end. May be that's what pisses me off just the sight of him. Never ever entirely over or shift to another stage. Sometimes i wonder i may for last resort slap him or fucking curse/ bitch him. I dreamt about that but Nope......i know i couldn't and i know he got me on that. I have only enough cruelty to pretend nothing happened and run away, but not to demean him.

I thought last year was an end. Was i? When i got the coffin and that "jack-in-the-box"............

If i push things to the limit, that will just devastate both of us.

So if you ask me, i will choose to run as fast as i can.





That dating-mating scenario, sorry, i'm still not that keen to pin myself on it.